I’m sure we have all had the feeling at times that we missed the boat. We’ve worried that we made a bad choice, or passed up an opportunity that might have really paid off.
I recently read an article about not worrying about your past and the wrong decisions you made. There was no name attached to the article, only the nickname: “prickly oxheart.” The article did not come from a Christian perspective, but there was definitely truth in it. It criticizes the constant worry so many people have that they missed out in life.
An excerpt: “We catalog everything we’re not doing, not having, not becoming…I watch people scroll through lives they’re not living, amassing evidence of their own incompletedness. The investment they didn’t make. The startup they didn’t join. The newsletter they didn’t start, the career pivot, the relationship that might have been different. We turn existence into an infinite ramble of inadequacy, each swipe an attempted assassination of the present moment… What if missing out isn’t a failure of optimisation but a condition of being human? What if the very fact that we cannot have everything is what makes anything matter at all?”
That was good stuff! So many people waste their lives in regret, saying, “If only…” The article suggests that such an attitude robs us from living the lives we have now.
We are always bombarded with the need to make right choices. A lot of this pressure comes from advertising (which, of course, has an ulterior motive: making money). For example: investments. Investment firms imply that if you don’t have x amount of dollars in your retirement fund (preferably in their retirement fund), well, you might be living on the street in your old age.
Worry, worry, worry. Stress, stress, stress.
God wants us to make thoughtful choices but not to share in the obsessiveness that the world is always trying to incite in us. God doesn’t seem to care about whether you go to trade school or college, of whether you become a carpenter or a professional. Sure, put some thought into your career and future, but don’t stress over it. Life is more than that.
God takes the pressure off. Jesus says, “…do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes,” (Luke 12:22-23). A few verses later (vs. 32) he says, “Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” No worry, no fear. Compare that to the constant provocations of the secular world.
We can take a break from the frenzy and all the cattle-prodding. More on that image of cattle-prodding–once, with a brother-in-law who worked as a farm hand, I went out with him on the job. We got in a pen with cattle. Our goal was to make the cows go through an opening into some other area. We each had electric cattle prods. These had two ends. When you put the ends into the cow’s behind and pushed a button, it completed a circuit. The cows moved! It reminds me a bit of the way the world tries to get us to react–worry, regret, stress. Do what we say or you’ll die an early death, or go bankrupt, or lose friends!
With God, there is none of that. We don’t have to be worried or afraid because He knows our needs and will take care of us. When we grasp that, we can handle whatever place we find ourselves in; whatever life puts before us.
When we don’t make our goals, it’s not the end of the world. It might even be a door to something better. With God, even our mistakes can be redeemed. If we live our lives before God, even our dispointment can have meaning. Nothing is wasted with God.
I think of a big biblical example. The Apostle Paul wanted to continue his missionary journeys in Asia (the story told in Acts chapter 16). Paul had a fine goal, nothing wrong with it, in fact there was everything right with it. But God said ‘no’ and didn’t even tell Paul why. It must have resulted in disappointment and frustration. But what happened next was that God directed him in a dream to go to Macedonia, resulting in the evangelization of a new continent–Europe. Getting our way, even if there is nothing wrong with it, is overrated. God sees farther that we do.
If we don’t achieve all our goals, that’s all right. If we don’t get all our prayers answered, that’s all right too.
There’s a song, performed by Jeff Steinberg, with lyrics by Jeff Rudloff, called “That’s Not the Way for You.” Part of it goes:
There’ve been many days I thought I knew my way
I thought that I knew just which way to go
Just when all seemed bright, things were going right
God stretched out His hand, He told me, “No”
He said, “That’s not the way for you
I’ll show you a brighter star to reach for
Give you a higher mountain you can climb
That’s not the way for you
I’ll give you a sweeter song to sing
If you’ll give up your will and follow Mine”
Striving for a goal is fine (as long as the goal isn’t sinful). Planning for success is a good thing. There is nothing wrong with pursuing a good idea. But what if it doesn’t happen? Do we wallow in regret and disappointment?
If we go with God, the failures will fade in importance. We will find that the choices we made weren’t so life-and-death after all. If there is a setback–and who doesn’t have them?–we will probably later find that it wasn’t as big of a disaster as we thought at the time. And even if it was a real setback, we can be free from worry and fear as we go forward.