I recently read through the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). It never ceases to be overwhelming. This sermon is evidence that Jesus was and is divine–no mere human would get away with saying what He does.
There’s lots of commands. And some are hard.
One of those is a command about forgiveness. Actually, the command is framed as a simple statement of fact: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins,” (Matthew 6:14-15).
This is quite a contrast to the easy-breezy Jesus we get from popular, mass-market Christianity.
We are to forgive others for their sins against us. Not just mistakes and misunderstandings: but sins. Bad things done against that shouldn’t be done. Jesus said we must forgive them. And the person who hurt us doesn’t even have to say they’re sorry! This is a hard command.
It’s notable that this comes right on the heels of The Lord’s Prayer. Part of that prayer is “Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors,” (vs. 12). That just kind of flows. It doesn’t sting. It’s easy to gloss over.
But immediately after the prayer is over, Jesus re-iterates and intensifies that forgiveness part. Why that? Why not the part about “your kingdom come, your will be done” or “Give us today day our daily bread”? I believe Jesus repeated the forgiveness command because we needed to hear it again. We might try to find excuses not to do it.
Now, forgiveness is promoted in some circles because of its self-help benefits. We are told things like:
‘When you don’t forgive, you are only hurting yourself, not the one who did you wrong’
‘When you hold a grudge you go think you’re going to a banquet, but you’re the one on the menu’
‘Forgiveness can make you free to be a better you’
All that’s true. But it’s not the reason Jesus gives. His reason is grittier: God forgave you first, so you must forgive others. God’s forgiveness of our sins will be stopped if we don’t forgive others. Think of it like a river: the flow upstream will be impeded if the flow downstream is blocked.
So, our practice of forgiveness is not for our psychological improvement or enlightened self-interest, but as a matter of spiritual health and standing.
Now, forgiveness does not mean foolishness. If a person is a manipulator, or liar, or con artist, we are not obligated to line up naively to be hurt all over again. But as far as past sins are concerned, we have to forgive even if the one who sinned against us isn’t sorry because our forgiveness is not based on them deserving it, it’s based on what God previously did for us. If we don’t forgive, then we will bring judgment on ourselves. [For the same truth illustrated in a story, see the parable of the Unmerciful Servant in Matthew 18:21-35; that parable will keep you Christian.]
We are not allowed the luxury of indulging in sweet but poisonous feelings of self-righteousness and vengeance. We are not allowed grudges.
But what if we forgive and the old resentment crops up again?
I’ve been blessed to not have had a lot of bad things done against me. But among the things that did happen, some are easier to get over than others. One of the harder ones happened decades ago when I was a pastor. My superior in the denominational hierarchy at the time pushed the idea of being a ‘team player’ and pushed a bit hard to do things his way. Me, I’m more of an individualist. I like to think for myself. I’ll all for being a team player but I don’t like being pushed, especially when things don’t seem sufficiently thought-through. I think this leader sensed my resistance and slow-walked opportunities for me after that. It was all subtle; but I resented it. This man was supposed to help pastors, not hinder them. I needed to forgive him, and I did. Sometime later (I think it was a few years) after we parted company, I saw him at a conference. I decided to try to greet him in a friendly manner, to show that there were no hard feelings (and maybe to prove to myself that my forgiveness was complete). But he did not reciprocate my warmth in the greeting, nor did he say, “I’m sorry.” I don’t remember this particularly bothering me, because I knew I was obligated to forgive him no matter what his reaction is. I think I handled it pretty well.
But (I hate to admit) once in a while the old memory comes to mind and the resentment kindles again. When that happens there is only one thing I can do: ask for God’s forgiveness again and put the thought away again. And if comes up in the future, do it again, as often as needed.
Does a ‘videotape’ of old wrongs replay in your mind? You need to put it down immediately and ask for forgiveness. As often as needed.
We should not only forgive but also try to forget. We might not completely forget, but we can forget for all intents and purposes by keeping these things from our conscious minds and choosing to forgive again as often as needed.
We owe this to God. Of course, we don’t owe it to Him like we are paying off a debt–we are saved by grace. But we do owe Him obedience as part of being in a covenant of salvation with Him. If we don’t take his commands seriously, there is something seriously wrong with our spiritual life.
Yes, more forgiveness means more peace of mind. Yes, forgiveness means more happiness and unity.
But those things are secondary. The primary reason we forgive is that God forgave us first.