Once I was in a group where a Christian counselor was speaking to us. He said something like, “Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself, so Jesus said to love yourself.”
He must have been a better counselor than he was a theologian. Jesus was not actually saying to “love yourself” but was giving a command on how to love your neighbor, which is to love him like you love yourself (which means, a lot).
Jesus assumed that we already loved ourselves. It was only natural and normal. It didn’t need to be commanded.
In another passage (which seems to me to express a similar idea) the Apostle Paul gives guidance for how husbands ought to love their wives: “…husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it…” (Ephesians 5:28-29). Here Paul applies it to a marriage–love your spouse like you love yourself.
In both cases, loving oneself is assumed and a normal and natural state.
Now this is not to say that everyone loves themselves in just the right amount. Some love themselves too much, and some not enough.
Those that love themselves too much we call Narcissists. As in 2 Timothy 3:2, where Paul says in the last days that people will be: “People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud…” They think of themselves too high. That’s a self-love that went wrong and became proud selfishness. It’s self-love that went haywire.
On the other hand, some people don’t love themselves enough. That causes its own set of problems. They have low self-esteem. They may feel worthless.
For those in this category, there are some things from God that they should remember and internalize.
First, we find our worth in God.
The cure for low self-esteem does not come from within, but from outside.
It comes from two things God did for us.
1) He made us in His image.
2) He sent His Son to die for us.
These are objective facts. No one can take them away from us. They are not dependent on how we feel, or on what other people say. We are made in God’s image and He sent His Son to die for us. This means everyone (“the whole world,” 1 John 2:2).
That’s good news! Those are high honors! This makes human self-help to be thin gruel in comparison.
Somehow, I got on an email list called ‘Inspiring Quotes’. I don’t remember signing up for it. The most recent one is: “15 Encouraging Quotes to Build Your Self-Esteem.” I read through them. They weren’t bad, but none of them mentioned God.
How can such advice, even it makes some good points, compare to the great fact that we are given dignity and love from the Creator, Redeemer and Judge of the universe?
Secondly, we gain healthy self-esteem not directly, but indirectly.
Seeking to directly improve one’s self-esteem or self-love directly is elusive. I think of it like trying to pick up a wet bar of soap, the harder you try to grab it the more certainly it slips away.
But we are told of a way by Jesus. And it is not a way we would guess. His words are counterintuitive. You wouldn’t guess it on your own.
You get your ‘self’ by seeking God. In Matthew 10:39 Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Finding your life by losing it? Yes. Not the world’s way to get ahead, but it’s God’s way.
And in Matthew 6:33 He says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Jesus was speaking about things people worry about–specifically what they will eat, drink or wear. So much stress and worry going around then and now.
He says that if we seek God first, the other good things will come after. We should include a healthy self-image in these things that will come after. We don’t get it directly; we get it indirectly, after we seek God. After all, He is the one who knows how we are made and what is best for is physically, mentally and spiritually.
Some years there was famous self-help book. Everyone was talking about it. You could hardly escape it. So I broke down and read it. To this day, I only remember two things about it–that you should begin with the end in mind and you should write out your life mission statement and then re-write it as necessary.
That’s about all I remember. And even the parts I remember are not what I would call soaring advice. And this book was the big new thing in that day. I wondered why people thought it was so great.
We have a better guide to a healthy self-image: the words of Jesus. Is not attained by seeking it directly, but by seeking Him. And then we will find that we have it when we are not looking.
This takes faith. It means seeking it God’s way.